Absolution
by ambrose-nti
Summary: Tino is a single father trying to start over in a new country, but he needs to make amends with his past in order to go forward in his life and his relationship with a certain Swede. SuFin, AU. Raiting may go up in the future


ab·so·lu·tion [ab-s_uh_-**loo**-sh_uh_n] _**noun**_: act of absolving;a freeing from blame or guilt; release from consequences, obligations, or penalties.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Tino sighed heavily as he stepped on the breaks to wait for the lights to turn green. He was trying to get rid of the lingering thoughts about a big new project at work, an important project that may define his career, and he wanted to prove to his bosses that they picked the right guy for the position, that they will not regret giving him this (very much needed) promotion. It had been a stressful day and he just could not wait to get home, have a cup (or three) of his favorite coffee, watch random shows on the TV, have a simple and quiet dinner, and then get some well deserved sleep. Getting used to a new position was difficult enough; add to that the stress of moving to a new country, as well as…

His musings were suddenly cut short by the traffic lights turning green, and Tino continued the trip to his destination. The lull of the long and quiet drive leads his thoughts into a place he normally avoids: the past, rather, a particular feature from his past. As his thoughts wander deeper into dangerous territory, of memories and feelings bottled up and kept in the farthest corners of his mind possible, a feeling of immense guilt started running through his body, making his chest tighten and an accompanying sensation that something was stuck in his throat. As memories started to flood and awareness of the outside world fades. Flashes of images of a girl, his best friend, passed through his mind's eye, her bright eyes, her sweet smile and her and happy demeanor, then to one of the same cheerful face now older looking and deprived of all the vitality it once possessed, pale unmoving in a hospital bed-

SCREECH

Tino's foot hastily stepped on the breaks once more this time with the purpose of trying to stop the flood of painful memories, and to silence the voice in the back of his head hissing _it's your fault _over and over again. Luckily for him the road did not have any heavy traffic, or else his sudden halt might have had some serious repercussions. The sudden halt in forward motion bringing him crashing back to reality, and the gravity of what could have happened dawned on him.

_Dear lord! I could have caused an accident! Get yourself together and stay focused! You can't afford getting injured! Or worse!_

The Finn took a deep breath to calm down and to regain his focus. He had too much at stake here, and he will not loose any of it again because he did not have his wits about him. Slowly and much more carefully, he continued his drive; he was very close to his destination, only a few more minutes away. He used this time to get his thought back in order, into territories less volatile. And as he parked his sedan in front of his destination, a nice old building in the corner of a street, Tino's mood had finally started to lift. He entered the lobby, walked down a hallway, and entered the correct door. Looking around the bright and cheerfully decorated room he was greeted warmly by nice young man with blond hair, glasses and a quiet voice.

"Ah Mr.Väinämöinen, hi! I hope your day went well." The young man asked with a smile.

"Hello Matthew, my day was alright, thank you for asking, I hope Aleksi wasn't giving you any trouble today." Tino answered happily, his lackluster day finally starting to feel much better. There was a sudden sound of a happy squeal and small footsteps which interrupted Matthew's answer. Shortly the squeal was followed by small hands grabbing onto the Finn's trouser legs.

"ISSIIIII!" The small blond child clinging onto Tino's trousers shouted at the top of his lungs, mouth set with a large smile, and violet eyes shining brightly up at his father.

Tino bent down to pick up his son, laughing at the child's exuberance and gave the boy a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then ruffled his hair. The toddler looked like a miniature version of his father, both wearing the same gleeful expression, like they haven't seen each other in years, but in fact it has only been a little over eight hours. Matthew could not help but laugh at the scene, and answered. "Aleksi has been a little angle as always!"

"I'm glad to hear that! Thank you again for your services Matthew, I really would not know what I would do without you looking after Aleksi while I'm at work." Tino replied sincerely, as the two-year-old in his arms started playing with his dad's hair.

"It's my pleasure Mr. Väinä-"

"Tino"

"Ah, yes Mr.- uh , I mean Tino. I'm glad we can help!"

Matthew never seem to get used to calling any of the children's parents by their first names, even when most of them insisted he do so. His polite nature was endearing though.

Tino and Aleksi said their goodbyes to Matthew and the other staff who work at the daycare (with Aleksi waving energetically to everyone the whole time) and made their way back to Tino's car. He strapped his son safely to the car seat and drove the short distance to the apartment they lived in, this time Tino's thoughts were happier as he answered his son's baby babble from the back seat.

* * *

><p>Father and son were seated on a comfortable chair they kept close to Aleksi's crib, reading the child a bedtime story about Moomins. Halfway through the story Tino looked down to see this little boy sound asleep. Chuckling quietly, he put the story book down and carried Aleksi to his crib, tucking the boy in. Tino just stood there watching the sleeping figure, taking in every detail on the little boy's face, and he just could not help but smile and feel like the happiest and proudest dad in the world. But along with it came a deep sadness and guilt. How Aleksi came into existence was complicated. It was a point in Tino's life that brought him an immense joy only a parent could probably understand, yet at the same, the happy and joyous occasion was tainted by tragedy: a part of his past he just needed to run away from. He could not handle it, not yet.<p>

But he knew that some day he had to owe up to his son, Aleksi deserved nothing but the truth from his father _'no matter how painful it was to talk about. He needs to know eventually. I can't hide the memory of one of the greatest people I've had the pleasure of knowing from him, and just how much she loved him.' _A voice in the back of his head whispered sadly. Tino takes a deep breath and wipes the tear that made it's way down his face. The emotional wounds from the past were still too fresh, and reminiscing always left him tired and miserable. He did not want his son to see him like this, he needed to remain happy and strong, and he thinks that eventually, time will heal those wounds. But for now, all he can do was hide the pain away in the farthest reaches of his mind and instead concentrate in keeping his son happy and healthy. Raising a child alone is a task that was monumental at times, but seeing that sweet and innocent smile, and hearing his son's musical laughter makes all the hardships worth every second.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

What is this? I don't know. It just popped in my head and would not leave me alone until I wrote it. It has also never seen the services of a BETA so pardon any mistakes in grammar and/or spelling I may have missed. So what do you guys think? Is it okay? Are you confused? Should I be lynched for creating something so atrocious?


End file.
